I Failed You
by Raikun-sama
Summary: What Sirius thought when he first saw Harry as an older boy and other events. Most likely one shot. I apologize if anyone did the same idea. I didn't mean to copy.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Just a series of event in the third and fourth books from Sirius's point of view. Oh, and if I copied someone's idea, I really didn't mean to, I'm very sorry!! ^_^

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Sirius carefully edged his way closer, silent as the evening air. Part of him argued against this, this was far too risky, and not only would the boy be frightened, but he could also be losing time...he had to stop _him _or else...

But suddenly the figure was far too close, and Sirius pushed that part of him in the back of his mind. No matter how risky it was, it was too late to turn back now...

The huge black dog went farther, but the figure's face was still too far obscured in shadow. Sirius held back a growl of frustration. If he went any closer, he'd be going out of the bushes.

But then the figure turned, and all other thoughts fled Sirius's mind.

It was James.

Sirius practically leapt out of the bushes, common sense completely deserting him. It was James, it was _James_!! Sirius's best friend was not dead, he was here, right here, alive, right in front of Sirius's eyes!!! Sirius's paws tingled, wanting to touch the boy in front of him to see if it was not a dream, every cell in his body bursting with joy. _James...James, it's m-_

No.

No, it couldn't be James. James was long dead, along with Lily. The black dog shrank back silently, grief haunting his yellow eyes, eyes no true dog could ever possess.

_All because of me...me..._

This boy could not be James. He had to be Harry. Sirius edged back again.

As Sirius studied the boy more throughly, his uncanny resemblance to James became less prominent. His eyes were not James's mischievous hazel ones, but Lily's beautiful green. And the eyes were far from mischievous.

This boy...had a look of sadness around him, a broken kind of grief that must have been there for years, something that could never come across James's face. Despair was practically ebbing from the boy, a feeling Sirius only knew too well, having felt it for twelve years.

_No, not the boy. Harry. Could...it really be Harry? _Sirius's eyes widened.

_Harry....you've changed..._Could the laughing, cheerful black haired toddler be this same lonely teenager?

Sirius closed his eyes. He remembered that night on October 31, James's and Lily's house, half of it blown to bits, James and Lily..._dead_...and Harry, the only thing left alive, a huge cut on his forehead...

He opened his eyes. Yes. Yes, it could. No, it was. It was Harry, it was _Harry_...

_Oh Harry...I'm so sorry...you've suffered a lot through these twelve years, haven't you?_

Anger suddenly rushed through the great dog, making the thin frame tremble slightly in rage. _He will pay...Peter, no, he doesn't even deserve a name, that scum will pay for this!! I swear, if it's the last thing I'll ever manage to do...Peter will pay!! I'll make sure that cowardly, slimy **rat** will never make his way to Voldemort again!!_

Sirius stared at the boy before him. _Harry...don't worry. I'll make sure he'll never touch you at Hogwarts..._

As he watched Harry, the boy's face slowly turned from desolate to alarm. The boy suddenly straightened up from his trunk, wand in hand. Sirius shifted uneasily. _He couldn't have..._

"Lumos." Harry muttered softly, lifting his wand in front of him. Sirius froze. If he moved, surely Harry would see him...

But Harry was already facing him, his eyes wide with surprise and fear. The boy stumbled, tripping on his trunk behind him.

Sirius took his chance and bolted, his heart thumping, not daring to look back.

That had been too close...he couldn't do that again, especially with Harry going back to Hogwarts. There would surely be more protection around the boy, now that Sirius had escaped from Azkaban...

Sirius didn't even bother holding back his snarl of rage. Those fools had no idea _who _they had to protect Harry from...

The black dog's paws pounded the soft grass before him, not stopping for a second. Sirius had had his glimpse of Harry, now he knew where he must go now. _He's at Hogwarts...he's at Hogwarts...I swear to you Harry, for you and your mother and father...I will kill him!!_

The escaped prisoner disappeared into the night.

* * *

"Crookshanks?" There was no mistaking it, it was him, with his thick orange pelt and the squashed face. As the cat came closer, Sirius realized there was something in his mouth.

"What have you got there?" Crookshanks spat out a paper at Sirius's feet and looked up at the man expectantly.

"A paper?" Reaching out with a filthy hand, the former prisoner picked it up gingerly. His eyes widened beneath the dirty mess of his hair as he realized what it was.

"...passwords? To the Gryffindor common room?" Sirius bit his lip as he remembered the fit of rage he had gone through at the Fat Lady.

Crookshanks purred affirmatively.

"But...how did you get them? You couldn't have written them, you're not that smart...or are you?"

* * *

Sirius swallowed, glancing nervously at the unconscious body of Snape before him, then glancing at the boy beside him. He swallowed again. It was now or never...

"You know what this means?" He asked suddenly, making sure Snape's head still bumped the top of the cave. "Turning Pettigrew in?"

Harry turned to him. "You're free?"

Sirius swallowed for the third time. "Yes...But I'm also....I don't know if anyone ever told you...I'm your godfather." After the display of fury Harry had shown when he thought Sirius had betrayed Lily and James, you couldn't blame the man from being rather tentative...especially being accused of a mass murderer for twelve years...

"Yeah, I knew that." The teenager replied, bending to avoid getting hit by the cave's roof.

"Well...your parents appointed me as your guardian..." Sirius continued, not daring to meet Harry's eyes. "If anything happened to them..."

Harry remained silent.

"I'll understand, of course, if you want to stay with your aunt and uncle," Sirius said hastily, his insides twisting when he thought of those pig-headed Muggles, "But...well...think about it. Once my name's cleared...if you wanted a...a different home..."

Harry's head collided with the cave's ceiling. "What-live with you?" the boy asked incredulously, "Leave the Dursleys?"

Sirius's heart sank. "Of course, I thought you wouldn't want to..." he had been so stupid to even dare to hope... "I understand, I just thought I'd-"

"Are you insane?" Harry interrupted him, his voice suddenly as harsh as Sirius's. "Of course I want to leave the Dursleys! Have you got a house? When can I move in?!"

Sirius jerked around to face him, Snape's body forgotten. "You want to?" Sirius asked, his voice almost trembling. "You..mean it?"

"Yeah, I mean it!!" Harry said happily.

Sirius thought he would explode in joy, and for the first time in twelve years, he could truly smile. His heart felt light as the drafts of air that sifted underneath the Whomping Willow's roots.

Harry looked back at him with an equal, if not more, ecstatic expression of his own.

_Harry...my godson..._Sirius couldn't remember being so happy since the day he ran away to James's house.

_

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_

Sirius's mouth dropped open as he read Harry's letter. _He didn't..._But Harry had certainly most did.

The man scribbled down a furious reply, his nerves already stretched to the breaking point of the Triwizard tournament and Voldemort, sealing it in an envelope and hurriedly tying it down to the owl's leg.

"Really," Sirius snorted as the owl disappeared from sight, "you'd think it'd be twelve years of Azkaban, not my godson, to give me gray hair..."

Buckbeak simply crunched another mouthful of rat bones in response.

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**I might continue this if the need to satisfy my Harry Potter obsession probs me again. If not, then this is one shot, folks!! Thanks for reading, and I apologize if it sucked.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I bet you're all thinking, "WTF?! I thought this story was one-shot!!" Well, I got bored, and I didn't really feel like continuing my other story...anyway, this chapter is about Sirius as a Hogwarts student with James and Remus.**

**NO Pettigrew. I absolutely despise that guy, even if he did help Harry in the end...**

**Disclaimer: I forgot to do one last chapter, but I think it's fairly obvious. Am I J.K. Rowling? NO. Am I a Japanese-American teenager who does not live in Britain? Yes. So do I own Harry Potter? To everyone who thinks yes, please go to the nearest hospital. You're in need of a cat scan.

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"Slytherin?" James turned around from Sirius, examining the two other occupants with interest. The boy scoffed in disgust. "Who wants to be in Slytherin? I think I'd leave, wouldn't you?" He asked, turning to Sirius.

Sirius's heart sank again at the thought of the sorting. "My whole family have been in Slytherin." he replied gloomily.

James looked at him in surprise. "Blimey, and I thought you seemed all right!"

Sirius's heart rose a little. "Maybe I'll break the tradition." He said, grinning again. "Where are you heading, if you've got the choice?" James did seem like the trouble making kind of sort, but Sirius could tell the boy was smart...

The boy in front of him smiled, and lifted his hands as if wielding a sword. "'Gryffindor, where dwell the brave at heart!' Like my dad."

Sirius thought for a while on which house he would like to be in. The answer came almost at once. _Anything if it isn't Slytherin and if James is in it too... _

Despite having known the boy for less than an hour, Sirius couldn't help liking James, someone so much like him, and not going on about purebloods and all that sort of rubbish.

The other boy in the compartment made a small, disparaging noise. James turned on him. "Got a problem with that?" The boy asked challengingly.

"No," said the pale, black haired boy, a small sneer appearing on his face. "If you'd rather be brawny than brainy-"

Sirius felt a hot flash of anger, leaping immediately to James's defense. "Where're you hoping to go, seeing as you're neither?" Sirius asked mockingly. He did not like this boy at all, whatever kind of slimeball he was...seemed almost like Regulas.

James roared with laughter. Sirius felt a warm feeling envelope him at the sound. The other child in their compartment, a girl with red hair and green eyes, frowned.

"Come on, Severus, let's find another compartment." She rose, tugging the boy along with her.

"Oooo..." James mimicked, sticking out his leg in an attempt to trip Severus as he passed. "See ya, Snivellus!"

The compartment door closed. Sirius let out a chuckle and looked at James. "Snivellus?"

James grinned. "I think it suits him much more than Severus, don't you think?"

Sirius laughed heartily, fervently wishing he would be in the same house as this boy.

* * *

Sirius's mouth dropped open. "Holy crap, James!"

The boy turned around, his hair looking much more wilder than usual. "What do you think?"

Sirius grinned. "Gryffindor is definitely going to win the cup next year. That was freaking awesome, James!" James grinned.

"Seriously?"

"Seriously!" Sirius said truthfully. "You could play for Britain when you're older, I reckon. You're a natural."

James laughed again. "Yeah, it's too bad first years can't have broomsticks. But second year will come soon enough."

"Potter, Black!! Enough standing there chatting, go back to your common room!!"

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"Er..." Sirius looked up from the voice.

"Er..." Another Gryffindor stood before him, nervously clutching a book.

"Yes?" Sirius asked curiously.

The boy hid his face with his light brown hair. "Y-you forgot your copy o-of History of Magic in P-Professor Binn's class!!" After saying this in a stuttering rush, the boy hastily dropped the book in Sirius's lap and made to turn, or rather, run, away.

"Wait!" Sirius called.

The boy turned around reluctantly.

"You're that kid Remus Lupin, aren't you?" The boy nodded, frowning as if he was disgusted by his own name.

"You're pretty smart, aren't you?" Sirius asked again. "You were the only person who could understand that load of babble from Binn's mouth."

Remus squirmed uncomfortably. "Well...I..." Looking closer, Sirius realized with a pang of concern that Remus looked quite ill. Dark bags hung under his eyes, and his face was rather pale and sweaty.

"Are you okay?" Sirius asked worriedly. "You look like you have a fever..."

"N-no, I'm fine!!" Remus practically yelled, sounding far, in Sirius's opinion, from fine. "I-I have to go!!!" With that, the boy spun around and ran as if the devil himself was after him.

Sirius blinked. That had been very strange...

"What's wrong, Sirius?" James asked, swinging off his bag to sit down beside his best friend.

Sirius shrugged. "That kid called Remus Lupin found my book. He's kind of...strange, though..."

"Oh, you mean him?" James began to lazily doodle on his parchment. "He was my assigned partner in Charms, once. He's kind of cool once he's opened up to you."

"Really?" Sirius looked in the direction where Remus had fled. "Doesn't seem like the type capable of opening up."

It was now James's turn to shrug. "Yeah...as soon as I asked him if he wanted to hang out or something, he turned really pale and practically ran away from me. Probably one of the really shy ones."

Shy seemed too light of a term to describe Remus, Sirius thought. "I wonder what's up with him...and, hey, why are you drawing the intials L.E.?"

James hastily crumpled the parchment and threw it into the fire. "No reason!!" The boy quickly replied, his usually relaxed face nervous.

Sirius smirked. "Lily Evans, huh? Bad luck, James, you've got Snivellus to worry about..."

James scoffed, trying to hide the blush on his face. "Snivellus? As if that pathetic slimeball has a chance!"

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"Remus, what happened?" Sirius asked urgently. "Why weren't you here yesterday?"

The said boy swallowed nervously. "I...My mother's ill...I had to go and see her..."

James frowned. "I think you've got something from her, mate. Have you looked in a mirror lately?"

Remus looked more and more nervous, almost like Peter did when they had exams. "I-it's nothing!! I...I think you're right, I'm not feeling well. I'll...I'll go to bed." He hurried off the boy's dormitory.

Sirius sighed and went back to throwing bits of frog leg at a group of his fellow classmates. James, however, continued to stare after Remus.

"Sirius..." James sounded unusually serious.

"What?" Sirius lazily flicked another bit of frog at Mary, who shrieked and set in on fire with her wand.

"Have you ever noticed how Remus always goes somewhere every month?"

"What about it?"

"I didn't pay much attention to it before, but I realized something..."

Sirius sat up, the burning frog leg forgotten. "Huh?"

"He's always gone...when it's full moon..."

Sirius's eyes widened in horror. Was James suggesting what he thought he was suggesting?!

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Remus moaned and put his head in his hands, looking completely broken.

"Remus..." James murmured softly, reaching out to lay a hand on the boy's shoulder. Remus just shrank away from James's touch, his face hidden.

"...it's true." He whimpered, so quietly that Sirius could barely hear it. "I'm...I'm..."

"Don't say it..." Sirius said sadly. Never in his life had he felt such pity for someone. "Remus..."

Remus shook his head violently. "No!! I'm...I'm...I'm a werewolf!!!!"

The empty classroom seemed to echo his words, soon fading into the tense silence that followed.

"...." Sirius didn't know what to say.

Remus seemed to curl up in a tighter ball. "I'm...a monster...scum...Dumbledore...allowed me to come here...so once a month...I have to go to this special entrance under the Whomping Willow...it was put there in the first place because of me, not because Dumbledore wanted it as a stupid decoration...."

The boy scooted farther away from them, his head hidden in shame. "I'm...sorry...if you knew, I knew you would desert me...I was selfish...I...I know you won't want to have anything to do with me now, but please, _please_ don't te-"

"You stupid prat, Remus." James interrupted loudly.

Remus stopped shaking. "Wh-what?"

James grinned. "You stupid prat," he repeated, "you honestly think we'd abandon you?"

Sirius smiled and nodded in agreement. "Such betrayal! I thought you had more faith in us than that, Remus!!" he said in a mock grief-stricken tone.

Remus's face slowly turned from miserable to horrified. "No, no!! You don't understand...I'm...I'm a monster!!"

Sirius snorted. "Yes, the very deadly monster who wet his bed during the thunderstorm two months ago."

Remus stood up, his face torn between exasperation and horror. "Please, you must stay away from me!! You've haven't seen what...what I become..."

James patted him on the back. "Easy."

"EASY?!!!"

Sirius nodded again. "Werewolves only attack people, correct?"

Remus looked on the verge of tearing his hair out of his head. "That is the whole point, Sirius!! Exactly _why_ you must stay away from me!!"

"Well, you're certainly not a monster right now, are you? And you won't be until next full moon, right?"

"O-of course, but..."

"Then we all become Animagi so we can still be with you when there is a full moon!!" James said cheerfully.

Remus's mouth dropped open.

"B-b-b-b-but..."

Sirius beamed. "So then you can't attack us. It's the perfect solution, isn't it?"

"B-but...it's so difficult...you could die..."

"Yes, Remus," James said patiently, "we will go to those lengths to make sure to freak you out and worry you until you have gray hair before you're a teenager.

They looked at Remus expectantly.

Remus just stared at them with his mouth still open for five seconds. Then he promptly burst into unashamed tears, drawing both of them into a hug strong enough to rival Hagrid's.

"Whoa, Remus!!"

Sirius smiled and patted his back. "Let it all out, mate. You didn't really think you'd get rid of us that easily, did you?"

Remus just sobbed harder, tightening his grip.

* * *

"...Mother and Father are extremely disappointed in you."

"If that isn't news, Reg." Sirius frowned in annoyance, finishing his letter to James. Who did the little pipsqueak think he was, coming to "put Sirius in his place?"

"...you're in Gryffindor?"

"Yes, thank heavens." Sirius sealed the envelope and tied it to the owl's leg.

"You've been writing to all of your friends ever since you got home. You're not doing anything else."

"Well, I don't see anyone missing me!" Sirius retorted. "Since when do you care?"

Regulas just stared at him intently.

"What?" Sirius asked irritably.

"...is there...Mudbloods in your class?" Regulas asked eagerly, as if inquiring about a species of some strange creature.

Half a second later, his face was slammed down into the floor. Sirius put a foot on his younger brother's back to stop him from coming up.

"Don't you dare say that word again!!" He snarled, pushing Regulas deeper into the floor. "Don't you ever talk like that in front of me again!! Do you understand?! Do you?!!"

"SIRIUS WHAT IN THE NAME OF SALAZAR SLYTHERIN ARE YOU DOING?!!!!!"

"Well, Mother, dear Regulas has just used some _appalling_ foul language. As it is my fault, I believe the responsibility to teach him manners lies with me, doesn't it?"

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**Don't say it, it's horrible, I know. Especially the Remus part, when James and Sirius found out...argh. **


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